Finding Peace From Disaster
Let me tell you something, love is roses and thorns. You should never expect falling in love, being in love, and loving someone “easy”, those who make your life easy normally aren’t good for you. You should invest in someone who challenges you, tests your thinking, and reflects who you really are. Falling in love is easy, but losing love for someone… Now that is a challenge.
Don’t Drain Yourself Loving Someone
Now, I’m not a relationship expert. One thing you will learn from me is that I’m actually terrible with commitment. It’s a fear I have actually. With any partner I’ve invested in, I’ve always felt like I had to prove my worth to them. That I have to keep chasing them through the rivers and the woods just for them to understand that I am worthy. It took me a while to understand that, that’s not how love is supposed to be. I have the habit of looking at love like it’s a challenge. Like I’m supposed to keep calling, keep checking up, keep putting all my energy and commitment into someone who just doesn’t want that. Which sucks, but that’s what I needed to learn.
My recent “partner”, distanced themselves from me. And innately, I wanted to understand what I did wrong. It took me getting cursed out, having multiple crying sessions, self-reflecting on who I am, and some sad movies, just to understand that I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. Don’t get me wrong, we all have our flaws, we’re only human, but the truth is, if you were a good person to someone, you can’t make them see that. You can’t force someone to see that YOU are the prize, because the truth is, that’s their loss if they fail to see it.
It’s Not Easy. But it’ll Be Worth It
Recently, I’ve been listening to Lauryn Hill, mainly because her songs touch a part of you that you didn’t know existed. In her Unplugged Live album, she has a song called, “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind”. Through the entire song, she’s crying out the pain of a past lover, and how her recent lover gives her peace. She wants peace. But doesn’t understand how someone else could love her when someone else taught her that she can’t live life without him. The whole purpose of the song is for the listener to understand that someone’s lack of seeing your worth doesn’t determine whether you aren’t worth the loving, care, and positive energy that you desire.
Finding peace takes patience. It takes going deep inside of yourself and recognizing your weaknesses, strengths, flaws, what your triggers are, what traumatized you, and so on. Recovery from a toxic partner, friend, or family member, takes a lot of time. So please, take your time. And remember, you’re worth it. One day, you’ll have your fairy tale, and that’s something that’ll be worth the wait.